A Lost Opportunity

Riant, ’93, in “Wrinkle,” University of Michigan

OH, gay Bacchus, you mad fellow!

It was always queer to me

How you got o’er being mellow,

When you went upon a spree.

How’d you keep your head from swelling,

When Silenus and his crew

Brought you to your sylvan dwelling,

Loaded with ambrosial brew?

Seltzer then was not invented,

To reduce the size of heads;

When filled with Olympic cocktails

You were gently put to bed.

Did you have a secret potion,

Brewed in some sequestered glade,

Treasured as a sacred lotion,

Guarded by some sylvan maid?

Had you lived in later ages,

And had brought your secret down,

You’d have quickly made your fortune,

In ’most any college town.