The World’s Wit and Humor: An Encyclopedia in 15 Volumes. 1906.
William Cowper (1731–1800)John Gilpin’s Ride
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Of credit and renown;
A train-band captain eke was he
Of famous London town.
“Though wedded we have been
These twice ten tedious years, yet we
No holiday have seen.
And we will then repair
Unto the Bell at Edmonton
All in a chaise and pair.
Myself, and children three,
Will fill the chaise; so you must ride
On horseback after we.”
Of womankind but one,
And you are she, my dearest dear,
Therefore it shall be done.
As all the world doth know,
And my good friend the calender
Will lend his horse to go.”
And for that wine is dear,
We will be furnished with our own,
Which is both bright and clear.”
O’erjoyed was he to find,
That, though on pleasure she was bent,
She had a frugal mind.
But yet was not allow’d
To drive up to the door, lest all
Should say that she was proud.
Where they did all get in;
Six precious souls, and all agog
To dash through thick and thin.
Were never folks so glad;
The stones did rattle underneath,
As if Cheapside were mad.
Seized fast the flowing mane,
And up he got, in haste to ride,
But soon came down again;
His journey to begin,
When, turning round his head, he saw
Three customers come in.
Although it grieved him sore,
Yet loss of pence, full well he knew,
Would trouble him much more.
Were suited to their mind,
When Betty screaming came down-stairs,
“The wine is left behind!”
My leathern belt likewise,
In which I bear my trusty sword
When I do exercise.”
Had two stone bottles found,
To hold the liquor that she loved,
And keep it safe and sound.
Through which the belt he drew,
And hung a bottle on each side,
To make his balance true.
Equipp’d from top to toe,
His long red cloak, well brush’d and neat,
He manfully did throw.
Upon his nimble steed,
Full slowly pacing o’er the stones,
With caution and good heed.
Beneath his well-shod feet,
The snorting beast began to trot,
Which gall’d him in his seat.
But John he cried in vain;
That trot became a gallop soon,
In spite of curb and rein.
Who cannot sit upright,
He grasp’d the mane with both his hands,
And eke with all his might.
Had handled been before,
What thing upon his back had got
Did wonder more and more.
Away went hat and wig;
He little dreamt, when he set out,
Of running such a rig.
Like streamer long and gay,
Till, loop and button failing both,
At last it flew away.
The bottles he had slung;
A bottle swinging at each side,
As hath been said or sung.
Up flew the windows all;
And every soul cried out, “Well done!
As loud as he could bawl.
His fame soon spread around,
“He carries weight! He rides a race!
’Tis for a thousand pound!”
’Twas wonderful to view,
How in a trice the turnpike men
Their gates wide open threw.
His reeking head full low,
The bottles twain behind his back
Were shatter’d at a blow.
Most piteous to be seen,
Which made his horse’s flanks to smoke
As they had basted been.
With leathern girdle braced;
For all might see the bottle necks
Still dangling at his waist.
These gambols did he play,
Until he came unto the Wash
Of Edmonton so gay;
On both sides of the way,
Just like unto a trundling mop,
Or a wild goose at play.
From the balcony spied
Her tender husband, wondering much
To see how he did ride.
They all at once did cry;
“The dinner waits, and we are tired!”
Said Gilpin, “So am I!”
Inclined to tarry there;
For why? His owner had a house
Full ten miles off, at Ware.
Shot by an archer strong;
So did he fly—which brings me to
The middle of my song.
And sore against his will,
Till at his friend the calender’s
His horse at last stood still.
His neighbour in such trim,
Laid down his pipe, flew to the gate,
And thus accosted him:
Tell me you must and shall;
Say why bareheaded you are come,
Or why you come at all?”
And loved a timely joke,
And thus unto the calender
In merry guise he spoke:
And, if I well forbode,
My hat and wig will soon be here;
They are upon the road.”
His friend in merry pin,
Return’d him not a single word,
But to the house went in;
A wig that flow’d behind,
A hat not much the worse for wear,
Each comely in its kind.
Thus show’d his ready wit:
“My head is twice as big as yours,
They therefore needs must fit.
That hangs upon your face;
And stop and eat, for well you may
Be in a hungry case.”
And all the world would stare,
If wife should dine at Edmonton,
And I should dine at Ware.”
“I am in haste to dine;
’Twas for your pleasure you came here,
You shall go back for mine.”
For which he paid full dear;
For while he spake, a braying ass
Did sing most loud and clear.
Had heard a lion roar,
And gallop’d off with all his might,
As he had done before.
Went Gilpin’s hat and wig;
He lost them sooner than at first,
For why? They were too big.
Her husband posting down
Into the country far away,
She pull’d out half a crown;
That drove them to the Bell,
“This shall be yours, when you bring back
My husband safe and well.”
John coming back amain;
Whom in a trice he tried to stop,
By catching at his rein;
And gladly would have done,
The frighted steed he frighted more,
And made him faster run.
Went postboy at his heels,
The postboy’s horse right glad to miss
The lumbering of the wheels.
Thus seeing Gilpin fly,
With postboy scampering in the rear,
They raised the hue and cry:
Not one of them was mute;
And all and each that passed that way
Did join in the pursuit.
Flew open in short space;
The toll-men thinking, as before,
That Gilpin rode a race.
For he got first to town;
Nor stopp’d till where he had got up,
He did again get down.
And Gilpin, long live he!”
And when he next doth ride abroad,
May I be there to see!